


Sorry to Say

by miscreant_rose



Series: Cancelled 'verse [5]
Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 14:02:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4307871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miscreant_rose/pseuds/miscreant_rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr prompt from amerigirltn: "Writing prompt for Holiday Blues verse: First time M/M wake up together when they both have thoughts about it being love"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sorry to Say

 

Letting out the umpteenth frustrated sigh, she kicks at the duvet, warm skin seeking the cool air of her flat.  Picking her phone up from where she had dropped it on her chest, she presses the home button once more to see the time.  

She should call him.  She should apologize for everything she said to him last night, for being the impossible person she was, to ask him if he could possibly forgive her.

Biting her lip, she lets the phone drop once more as a cold fear knots itself in her belly.

She has been having this same circle of thoughts for the last five hours, ever since she childishly rang off on him last night.

The first hour had been spent with her tears.  The second somehow wishing she could sleep.  Five minutes into that hour she realized it was impossible for her to sleep alone in her bed, her body and soul too used to the buoy of his presence.  Another minute and she was trying to find words for an apology, and the rest of the sleepless night had been spent cataloging every wrong thing she had done and wondering why on earth he put up with her for one second.

She should call him and apologize.

Another sigh and she grabs for the phone again, nearly dropping it as it vibrates in her hand.

The screen flashes to life with his caller ID.

Shaking fingers somehow swipe across the screen, and she presses the phone to her ear.

Words rush out of her before she is even sure the connection is made.  “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes feel hot again with tears and her heart skips a beat at the sound of his voice against her.

“No, I shouldn’t have —“

“Don’t.  I’m difficult and impossible and selfish, and I don’t know why I —“

“You aren’t, and can I please —“

“I am and you know it, and I don’t know why you —“

“Mary, will you —“

“I love you!”

Her breath catches in the silence, and she closes her eyes, wondering why on earth those words she had been holding so close inside her choose this moment to fly loose.  Before she can make any sense of it, she whispers it again.  “I love you, Matthew.”

She’s pretty sure her heart has stopped beating as what seems an eternity of silence stretches between them before she hears any sign of life on the other end of the line.

“That’s damned unfair to say right now when you aren’t in front of me for me to kiss into oblivion and tell you I love you, too.”  His voice is oddly tight, as if he’s struggling to speak.

She hiccups back a sob as she smiles.  “See, I told you I’m impossible and selfish.”

“I love you, Mary.”  

It’s a caress against every single hurt she’s ever endured and tears make hot tracks down her cheeks and back into her hair.  “And now I need to kiss you senseless.”

He half chuckles and groans.  “We’re both idiots.”

“Only because I love you.”  God, she can’t stop saying it, the tingle of emotion that sparks through every nerve as the words tumble out of her making her more and more addicted to it.  “I can’t sleep with out you beside me,” she confesses softly.

“I know the feeling,” he sighs.  “Fools in love?”

A sniffle escapes her.  “Definitely fools in love.”  Silence stretches over several heartbeats, and she can almost feel him there with her.  Almost, and she is caught somewhere between bliss and torture.

“I’m thinking in future, my policy will be no business trips without you,” he murmurs.

She smiles.  “That works for me.  Because this really doesn’t right now.”

“I know,” he agrees quietly, and then begins to laugh.  “God, Mary, your timing.”

She raises her brows.  “My timing?  You’re the one who was in a mood last night.”

“This afternoon,” he corrects.  “It’s only 1:00 am here.”

“Mm, I know.”

“I was going mad waiting until I could call you back and not wake you.”

She chuckles.  “I told you I didn’t sleep.  You should have just called.”

“Next time.”  She catches the sound of him muffling a yawn.

“No, no next time, thank you very much.”  She finally relaxes deeper into the mattress.  “I’m going to be asking Tom to write the no separate business trips bit into the bylaws, so the next argument we have can have a proper apology.”

“No apologies, love.”  

She practically levitates at how natural and wonderful that new endearment sounds.  “Matthew —“

“Shush, no need.  Not when I love you so much.”

She smiles into the creeping light of her bedroom.  “Careful, that may be the most extravagant carte blanche ever.”  Another sigh, as she wiggles her toes and looks over at the empty pillow beside her.  “How many hours until you are home?”

“15 hours and about 37 minutes.”

She chuckles again.  “Not that we are counting down.”

“Never.”  She hears him sigh as they slip into that silence where they can almost feel the other beside them.  “Stay up with me a bit longer?”

She nods, even though he can’t see her.  “Always.  As long as you promise to get some sleep.”  She stifles a yawn of her own.  “One of us has to be rested today.”

“Call out sick.  I’ll write you a note.”

“I don’t know, my boss can be a bit of a hard ass,”  she giggles.

“And hear I thought you liked that about me,” he murmurs suggestively.

“Excuse you, I was talking about me.  Since when are you my boss?”

They both dissolve into laughter, and more teasing and jests and suggestive words fly back and forth.  She could care less about being late for work, or anything else as she listens to the silence as he finally falls asleep mid-sentence.  She wonders how she doesn’t explode with all the emotion crammed into her chest at this moment, reluctantly sliding her finger across the screen of her phone to end the call.  14 hours and 29 minutes, she tells herself, sleep weighing heavy on her own lids.  

And never a night spent without him again. 


End file.
